61 Italian Jokes That Will Make You Howl with Laughter [Audio Included]
Italians have an excellent sense of humor.
I’ve spent a lot of time in the Boot and have a big Italian family. We enjoy food, wine and jokes on a daily basis!
Most Italian jokes aren’t complicated. They have very clear meanings and use simple vocabulary.
That makes them short, easy to translate, great for seeing grammar rules in action and excellent for pronunciation practice!
So if you want to laugh like a native Italian speaker, try learning these 61 jokes in Italian.
Contents
- Top Jokes in Italian You Should Know
- Italian Jokes About Family
- Italian Jokes About History
- Funny Quotable Quotes in Italian
- How to Use Italian Jokes to Improve Your Speaking Skills
- And One More Thing...
Download: This blog post is available as a convenient and portable PDF that you can take anywhere. Click here to get a copy. (Download)
Top Jokes in Italian You Should Know
My Mother-in-law Can’t Sleep
The doctor-patient relationship isn’t generally a comedic one. But sometimes, doctors can get some pretty interesting requests.
Consider this one:
Un uomo dice a un dottore, “Dottore, mi può prescrivere un sonnifero per mia suocera?”
(A man says to a doctor, “Doctor, can you prescribe a sleeping pill for my mother-in-law?”)
Il dottore risponde, “Perché? Sua suocera soffre d’insonnia?”
(The doctor responds, “Why? Is your mother-in-law suffering from insomnia?”)
L’uomo risponde, “No, mia suocera la notte dorme benissimo. Il sonnifero era per il giorno.”
(The man responds, “No, my mother-in-law sleeps well at night, the sleeping pill was for the day.”)
The Hungry Blonde Woman
Food is always a good source of humor!
Here’s something funny about a hungry young woman and a pizza:
Una bionda ordina una pizza.
(A blonde orders a pizza.)
Il pizzaiolo chiede, “Devo tagliarla in quattro o otto fette?”
(The pizza maker asks, “Should I cut it into four or eight pieces?”)
La bionda risponde, “In quattro! Come potrei mangiare otto fette?”
(The blonde replies, “Into four! How could I possibly eat eight pieces?”)
Not the Reaction I Expected, Honey
The marital relationship offers endless possibilities for jokes.
Consider this conversation between a husband and wife:
Una moglie dice a suo marito, “Caro, sono incinta! Cosa vorresti che fosse?”
(A wife says to her husband, “Darling, I’m pregnant! What do you want it to be?”)
Il marito risponde, “Uno scherzo!”
(The husband responds, “A joke!”)
A Wife’s Cooking Skills
And then there’s this joke about a wife’s cooking skills:
Come fai a sapere quando una moglie non sa cucinare?
(How can you tell when a wife cannot cook?)
Come?
(How?)
Il marito va così spesso al ristorante che al suo tavolo ha le sue iniziali sui tovaglioli!
(In the restaurant, her husband is there so much that his table has his initials on the napkins!)
A Boomerang by Any Other Name
This boomerang joke is sure to make even a serious person smile:
Come si chiama un boomerang che non torna?
(What do you call a boomerang that doesn’t come back?)
Un bastone!
(A stick!)
The Cow and the Horse
In Italy, even animals get in on the funny stuff!
Here’s a bit of animal humor to make someone chuckle:
Una mucca dice ad un’altra mucca, “Hai sentito della malattia della mucca pazza?”
(One cow says to another cow, “Have you heard of the Mad Cow disease?”)
L’altra risponde, “Ma a me che me ne frega, sono un cavallo!”
(The other responds, “I don’t care, I’m a horse!”)
Of Turtles and Centipedes
Sometimes, unlikely participants offer a comedic moment.
Like this one involving a turtle and a centipede:
Un giorno un millepiedi e una tartaruga vanno al cinema. La tartaruga si siede a guardare un film.
(One day a centipede and a turtle went to the cinema. The turtle sat down to watch a movie.)
Alla fine del film vede il millepiedi entrare nella sala. Gli chiede, “Il film è già finito. Perché ci hai messo così tanto?”
(At the end of the film the centipede enters the room. The turtle asks, “The film is already done. Why did you take so long?”)
Il millepiedi risponde, “Mi sono ricordato di avere le scarpe bagnate, così le ho asciugate!”
(The centipede replies, “I remembered that my shoes were wet, so I dried them!”)
That Escalated Quickly
Here’s a laughworthy brother to brother chat:
Un uomo dice a suo fratello, “L’anno scorso ho avuto un’avventura di una notte. È finita molto male.”
(A man says to his brother, “Last year, I had a one-night stand. It went very badly.”)
Il fratello risponde, “Cos’è successo?”
(The brother responds, “What happened?”)
L’uomo risponde,”Domani è il nostro anniversario di matrimonio.”
(The man responds, “Tomorrow is our wedding anniversary.”)
Another Bar Joke
Can’t have a list of Italian jokes without one about a bar:
Un cervello entra in un bar e dice al barista, “Una birra, per favore.”
(A brain enters a bar and says to the bartender, “I’ll have a beer, please.”)
Il barista dice, “Mi dispiace, non posso servirti. Sei fuori di testa.”
(The bartender says, “I’m sorry, I can’t serve you. You’re out of your mind.”)
Lawyer Laughter
Lawyers are always good for a laugh:
“Parlare non costa nulla!” disse un uomo all’altro.
(“Talking is cheap!” said one man to another.)
L’altro risponde, “Parlare non costa nulla? Dovresti parlare con il mio avvocato! Allora vedrai che parlare costa!”
(The other man responds, “Talk is cheap? You should talk to my lawyer! Then you’ll see that talk isn’t cheap!”)
Cool Trivia About Black Widow Spiders
There are plenty of Italian jokes about love, life and relationships.
For example:
Perché le vedove nere uccidono i loro maschi dopo l’accoppiamento?
(Why do black widow spiders kill their mates after mating?)
Per fermare il russare prima che inizi.
(To stop the snoring before it starts.)
Pun in Space
Not even outer space is off limits to Italian jokesters:
Hai sentito dell’astronauta claustrofobico?
(Did you hear about the claustrophobic astronaut?)
No. Che gli è successo?
(No. What about him?)
Aveva solo bisogno di spazio!
(He just needed some space!)
The Tomato in the Elevator
Italians use tomatoes in more than just pizza and marinara sauce—they also use them in elevators, apparently:
Cos’è rosso e si muove su e giù?
(What’s red and moves up and down?)
Un pomodoro in un ascensore!
(A tomato in an elevator!)
Italian Jokes About Family
As I’ve touched on earlier, the family unit plays an important part in Italian culture—so much so that it’s no surprise many jokes in Italian center around it.
| Italian Jokes About Family | English Translation |
|---|---|
| Cosa fa un uovo quando si arrabbia con la sua famiglia? Si rompe! | What does an egg do when it's angry with its family? It cracks! |
| Perché il figlio ascolta sempre la radio con la mamma? Perché è programmato per farlo! | Why does the son always listen to the radio with his mom? Because he's programmed to do so! |
| Perché la nonna è la miglior cuoca del quartiere? Perché ha la ricetta segreta: "Amore in ogni piatto"! | Why is grandma the best cook in the neighborhood? Because she has the secret recipe: "Love in every dish"! |
| Perché i genitori sono così bravi a risolvere indovinelli? Perché hanno già affrontato tutti i "misteri" della vita! | Why are parents so good at solving riddles? Because they've already dealt with all the "mysteries" of life! |
| Cosa fa una lavatrice quando litiga con il ferro da stiro? Lava i panni sporchi in famiglia! | What does a washing machine do when it argues with the iron? It airs the dirty laundry in the family! |
| Perché la mamma lampadina è così brava a raccontare storie? Perché ha sempre una brillante idea! | Why is the lightbulb mom so good at telling stories? Because she always has a bright idea! |
| Cosa dice una mamma spugna ai suoi figli? "Assorbite la conoscenza, ragazzi!" | What does a sponge mom say to her kids? "Absorb the knowledge, kids!" |
| Perché la famiglia della lavatrice va sempre d'accordo? Perché lavano i panni sporchi in famiglia! | Why does the washing machine family always get along? Because they wash their dirty laundry together! |
| Cosa dice una mamma cioccolato ai suoi figli? "Siate dolci, ma non troppo appiccicosi!" | What does a chocolate mom say to her kids? "Be sweet, but not too sticky!" |
| Perché il papà rasoio è così bravo a fare discorsi? Perché è sempre tagliente! | Why is razor dad so good at making speeches? Because he's always sharp! |
| Perché il papà calendario è così sicuro di sé? Perché sa sempre quale giorno è! | Why is calendar dad so confident? Because he always knows what day it is! |
| Cosa dice una mamma carta igienica ai suoi figli? "Siate sempre avvolti dall'amore, anche nei momenti difficili!" | What does a toilet paper mom say to her kids? "Always be wrapped in love, even in tough times!" |
Italian Jokes About History
As you may already know, Italy has historical significance as the birthplace of the Roman Empire. Don’t worry, we’re not going to pepper you with boring details like dates here—just good, old-fashioned (and by that, I mean “centuries-old”) humor!
| Historical Italian Jokes | English Translation |
|---|---|
| Cosa faceva Giulio Cesare quando non riusciva a dormire? Contava i suoi imperi. | What did Julius Caesar do when he couldn't sleep? He counted his empires. |
| Cosa dice un imperatore romano quando è stanco? "Ho bisogno di un sonno eterno!" | What does a Roman emperor say when tired? "I need an eternal sleep!" |
| Qual è il cibo preferito di Colombo? Le uova di Pasqua. | What's Columbus's favorite food? Easter eggs. |
| Qual è l'animale preferito di Giuseppe Garibaldi? Il gattopardo. | What's Giuseppe Garibaldi's favorite animal? The leopard. |
Funny Quotable Quotes in Italian
Quotable quotes don’t have to be just inspirational or thought-provoking—they can be funny, too.
| Funny Italian Quotes | English Translation | Who Said It |
|---|---|---|
| La vita è troppo importante per prenderla sul serio. | Life is too important to be taken seriously. | Oscar Wilde |
| Il segreto per rimanere giovani è un senso dell'umorismo senza età. | The secret to staying young is an ageless sense of humor. | Frank Lloyd Wright |
| Nessun problema è così grande o così complicato che non gli si possa sfuggire. | No problem is so big or so complicated that it cannot be run away from. | Peter Drucker |
| La cosa più divertente del denaro è spendere i soldi degli altri. | The funniest thing about money is spending other people's money. | Jacques Chirac |
| L'unico modo per liberarsi di una tentazione è cedervi. | The only way to get rid of a temptation is to yield to it. | Oscar Wilde |
| La vita è troppo breve per mangiare cibo noioso. | Life is too short to eat boring food. | Julia Child |
| Se ti svegli stanco, forse hai sognato troppo. | If you wake up tired, maybe you've been dreaming too much. | John Lennon |
| L'età è solo un numero. Un numero davvero fastidioso. | Age is just a number. A really annoying number. | Anonymous |
| Non si può avere tutto. Dove lo metteresti? | You can't have everything. Where would you put it? | Steven Wright |
| Le persone che pensano di sapere tutto sono una grande irritazione per quelli di noi che sappiamo tutto. | People who think they know everything are a great annoyance to those of us who do. | Isaac Asimov |
| Se a volte vi sentite inutili, ricordate che una pizza è felice di essere solo una pizza eppure porta gioia a molte persone. | If you ever feel useless, remember that a pizza is happy to be just a pizza and yet brings joy to many people. | Anonymous |
| La dieta è quando mangi cibo che racconta storie su di te alle altre persone. | A diet is when you eat food that makes stories about you to other people. | Anonymous |
| Il caffè è la risposta a tutto, ma qual era la domanda? | Coffee is the answer to everything, but what was the question? | Anonymous |
| Siete mai stati innamorati? Raccontate una barzelletta e vedrete che ridere è molto più facile. | Have you ever been in love? Tell a joke, and you'll find that laughter is much easier. | Joan Crawford |
| Il matrimonio è come una partita di poker: inizia con due cuori e la promessa di un mucchio di denaro. | Marriage is like a poker game: it starts with two hearts and a promise of a lot of money. | Anonymous |
| La vita è troppo corta per bere vino scadente. | Life is too short to drink bad wine. | Johann Wolfgang von Goethe |
| Il denaro non può comprare la felicità, ma può comprare cioccolato, che è praticamente la stessa cosa. | Money can't buy happiness, but it can buy chocolate, which is pretty much the same thing. | Anonymous |
| La mente è come un paracadute, funziona solo se si apre. | The mind is like a parachute, it only works when it's open. | Albert Einstein |
| Il successo è come essere incinta: tutti si congratulano, ma solo tu sai quanto ti fanno male i piedi. | Success is like being pregnant: everyone congratulates you, but only you know how much your feet hurt. | Anonymous |
| Il lavoro d'ufficio è uno dei pochi posti in cui si può essere licenziati per essere troppo efficienti. | Office work is one of the few places where you can be fired for being too efficient. | Taylor Russell |
| Il problema dell'umanità è che gli stupidi sono troppo sicuri di sé, mentre gli intelligenti sono troppo pieni di dubbi. | The problem with the world is that the stupid are so sure of themselves, while the intelligent are so full of doubts. | Bertrand Russell |
| Il matrimonio è come una tazza di caffè: deve essere caldo, forte e non puoi vivere senza di esso. | Marriage is like a cup of coffee: it should be hot, strong and you can't live without it. | Anonymous |
| La fortuna è come la coda di un cane: se la inseguite, si volta e vi morde. | Luck is like a dog's tail: if you chase it, it turns around and bites you. | Anonymous |
| Il miglior modo per tenere la bocca chiusa è mangiare qualcosa. | The best way to keep your mouth shut is to eat something. | Anonymous |
| Sei sicuro che il tuo caffè abbia abbastanza caffèina? Non vorrei che ti svegliassi. | Are you sure your coffee has enough caffeine? I wouldn't want you to wake up. | Anonymous |
| La dieta è quando cerchi di fare un pasto con le cose che hai nel frigorifero. | A diet is when you try to make a meal with the things you have in the fridge. | Anonymous |
| La politica è l'arte di cercare problemi, trovarli ovunque, fare una diagnosi sbagliata e applicare le soluzioni sbagliate. | Politics is the art of looking for trouble, finding it everywhere, diagnosing it incorrectly and applying the wrong solutions. | Groucho Marx |
| Il mio motto è: ‘Facciamolo domani’. | My motto is: 'Let's do it tomorrow.' | Anonymous |
| La bellezza è relativa, ma la bruttezza è universale. | Beauty is relative, but ugliness is universal. | Anonymous |
| L'amore è cieco, ma il matrimonio ripristina la vista. | Love is blind, but marriage restores sight. | Groucho Marx |
| Se non riesci a convincere qualcuno, confondilo. | If you can't convince them, confuse them. | Harry S. Truman |
| Il tempo è un grande maestro, ma sfortunatamente uccide tutti i suoi studenti. | Time is a great teacher, but unfortunately it kills all its pupils. | Louis Hector Berlioz |
How to Use Italian Jokes to Improve Your Speaking Skills
- Choose a simple joke—at least to start. Look for jokes with very basic vocabulary, sentence structure and punch lines. As you become more comfortable telling simple jokes, you can move onto the more intricate ones.
- Memorize the joke. Practice delivering your joke in front of a mirror. You can also record yourself to help get your timing and deliver down pat.
- Use your joke. Try out a joke on an Italian-speaking friend or someone you just met. Allowing yourself to be silly will help you become more comfortable speaking Italian because—joke or not—you’re going to mess up from time to time and say things in a funny way.
Aside from the above, you can also pick up authentic Italian jokes from media like the videos on the language learning platform FluentU.
FluentU takes authentic videos—like music videos, movie trailers, news and inspiring talks—and turns them into personalized language learning lessons.
You can try FluentU for free for 2 weeks. Check out the website or download the iOS app or Android app.
P.S. Click here to take advantage of our current sale! (Expires at the end of this month.)
Laughter is good for the soul—and improving your Italian speaking skills!
Not only will Italian jokes help boost your conversational skills, increase your vocabulary and teach you some cultural nuances, but they can also be great icebreakers.
It’s no surprise that a culture that celebrates life as much as Italy does has so many fun jokes!
Download: This blog post is available as a convenient and portable PDF that you can take anywhere. Click here to get a copy. (Download)
And One More Thing...
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Learn Italian with funny commericals, documentary excerpts and web series, as you can see here:
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Access a complete interactive transcript of every video under the Dialogue tab, and review words and phrases with convenient audio clips under Vocab.
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