29 Funny Italian Jokes
Italians have an excellent sense of humor. I’ve spent a lot of time in the Boot and have a big Italian family. We enjoy food, wine and jokes on a daily basis!
Most Italian jokes aren’t complicated. They have very clear meanings and use simple vocabulary. That makes them short, easy to translate, great for seeing grammar rules in action and excellent for pronunciation practice!
So if you want to laugh like a native Italian speaker, try learning these 29 jokes in Italian.
Contents
- Funniest Jokes in Italian You Should Know
- Italian Jokes About Family
- Italian Jokes About History
- How to Use Italian Jokes to Improve Your Speaking Skills
- And One More Thing...
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Funniest Jokes in Italian You Should Know
Here are some of the best jokes you can crack the next time you’re at a gathering with fellow Italian speakers/learners.
1. Insomniac Mother-in-law
Un uomo dice a un dottore, “Dottore, mi può prescrivere un sonnifero per mia suocera?”
(A man says to a doctor, “Doctor, can you prescribe a sleeping pill for my mother-in-law?”)
Il dottore risponde, “Perché? Sua suocera soffre d’insonnia?”
(The doctor responds, “Why? Is your mother-in-law suffering from insomnia?”)
L’uomo risponde, “No, mia suocera la notte dorme benissimo. Il sonnifero era per il giorno.”
(The man responds, “No, my mother-in-law sleeps well at night, the sleeping pill was for the day.”)
2. Hungry Blonde
Una bionda ordina una pizza.
(A blonde orders a pizza.)
Il pizzaiolo chiede, “Devo tagliarla in quattro o otto fette?”
(The pizza maker asks, “Should I cut it into four or eight pieces?”)
La bionda risponde, “In quattro! Come potrei mangiare otto fette?”
(The blonde replies, “Into four! How could I possibly eat eight pieces?”)
3. Unexpected Reaction
Una moglie dice a suo marito, “Caro, sono incinta! Cosa vorresti che fosse?”
(A wife says to her husband, “Darling, I’m pregnant! What do you want it to be?”)
Il marito risponde, “Uno scherzo!”
(The husband responds, “A joke!”)
4. Cooking Skills
Come fai a sapere quando una moglie non sa cucinare?
(How can you tell when a wife cannot cook?)
Come?
(How?)
Il marito va così spesso al ristorante che al suo tavolo ha le sue iniziali sui tovaglioli!
(In the restaurant, her husband is there so much that his table has his initials on the napkins!)
5. Boomerang’s Alias
Come si chiama un boomerang che non torna?
(What do you call a boomerang that doesn’t come back?)
Un bastone!
(A stick!)
6. Cows and Horses
Una mucca dice ad un’altra mucca, “Hai sentito della malattia della mucca pazza?”
(One cow says to another cow, “Have you heard of the Mad Cow disease?”)
L’altra risponde, “Ma a me che me ne frega, sono un cavallo!”
(The other responds, “I don’t care, I’m a horse!”)
7. Turtles and Centipedes
Un giorno un millepiedi e una tartaruga vanno al cinema. La tartaruga si siede a guardare un film.
(One day a centipede and a turtle went to the cinema. The turtle sat down to watch a movie.)
Alla fine del film vede il millepiedi entrare nella sala. Gli chiede, “Il film è già finito. Perché ci hai messo così tanto?”
(At the end of the film the centipede enters the room. The turtle asks, “The film is already done. Why did you take so long?”)
Il millepiedi risponde, “Mi sono ricordato di avere le scarpe bagnate, così le ho asciugate!”
(The centipede replies, “I remembered that my shoes were wet, so I dried them!”)
8. One-night Stands
Un uomo dice a suo fratello, “L’anno scorso ho avuto un’avventura di una notte. È finita molto male.”
(A man says to his brother, “Last year, I had a one-night stand. It went very badly.”)
Il fratello risponde, “Cos’è successo?”
(The brother responds, “What happened?”)
L’uomo risponde,”Domani è il nostro anniversario di matrimonio.”
(The man responds, “Tomorrow is our wedding anniversary.”)
9. Brain in Bar
Un cervello entra in un bar e dice al barista, “Una birra, per favore.”
(A brain enters a bar and says to the bartender, “I’ll have a beer, please.”)
Il barista dice, “Mi dispiace, non posso servirti. Sei fuori di testa.”
(The bartender says, “I’m sorry, I can’t serve you. You’re out of your mind.”)
10. Lawyer Laughter
“Parlare non costa nulla!” disse un uomo all’altro.
(“Talking is cheap!” said one man to another.)
L’altro risponde, “Parlare non costa nulla? Dovresti parlare con il mio avvocato! Allora vedrai che parlare costa!”
(The other man responds, “Talk is cheap? You should talk to my lawyer! Then you’ll see that talk isn’t cheap!”)
11. Spider Trivia
Perché le vedove nere uccidono i loro maschi dopo l’accoppiamento?
(Why do black widow spiders kill their mates after mating?)
Per fermare il russare prima che inizi.
(To stop the snoring before it starts.)
12. Pun in Space
Hai sentito dell’astronauta claustrofobico?
(Did you hear about the claustrophobic astronaut?)
No. Che gli è successo?
(No. What about him?)
Aveva solo bisogno di spazio!
(He just needed some space!)
13. Red Mystery
Cos’è rosso e si muove su e giù?
(What’s red and moves up and down?)
Un pomodoro in un ascensore!
(A tomato in an elevator!)
Italian Jokes About Family
The family unit plays an important part in Italian culture—so much so that many jokes in Italian center around it.
14. Angry Egg
Cosa fa un uovo quando si arrabbia con la sua famiglia?
(What does an egg do when it’s angry with its family?)
Si rompe!
(It cracks!)
15. Radio Boy
Perché il figlio ascolta sempre la radio con la mamma?
(Why does the son always listen to the radio with his mom? )
Perché è programmato per farlo!
(Because he’s programmed to do so!)
16. Nonna’s Cooking
Perché la nonna è la miglior cuoca del quartiere?
(Why is grandma the best cook in the neighborhood? )
Perché ha la ricetta segreta: “Amore in ogni piatto”!
(Because she has the secret recipe: “Love in every dish”!)
17. Parents and Riddles
Perché i genitori sono così bravi a risolvere indovinelli?
(Why are parents so good at solving riddles? )
Perché hanno già affrontato tutti i “misteri” della vita!
(Because they’ve already dealt with all the “mysteries” of life!)
18. Washing Machine Vs. Iron
Cosa fa una lavatrice quando litiga con il ferro da stiro?
(What does a washing machine do when it argues with the iron? )
Lava i panni sporchi in famiglia!
(It airs the dirty laundry in the family!)
19. Storytelling Light Bulb
Perché la mamma lampadina è così brava a raccontare storie?
(Why is the light bulb mom so good at telling stories? )
Perché ha sempre una brillante idea!
(Because she always has a bright idea!)
20. Sponge Mom
Cosa dice una mamma spugna ai suoi figli?
(What does a sponge mom say to her kids? )
“Assorbite la conoscenza, ragazzi!”
(“Absorb the knowledge, kids!”)
21. Washing Machine Family
Perché la famiglia della lavatrice va sempre d’accordo?
(Why does the washing machine family always get along? )
Perché lavano i panni sporchi in famiglia!
(Because they wash their dirty laundry together!)
22. Chocolate Mom
Cosa dice una mamma cioccolato ai suoi figli?
(What does a chocolate mom say to her kids? )
“Siate dolci, ma non troppo appiccicosi!”
(“Be sweet, but not too sticky!”)
23. Razor Dad
Perché il papà rasoio è così bravo a fare discorsi?
(Why is razor dad so good at making speeches? )
Perché è sempre tagliente!
(Because he’s always sharp!)
24. Calendar Dad
Perché il papà calendario è così sicuro di sé?
(Why is calendar dad so confident? )
Perché sa sempre quale giorno è!
(Because he always knows what day it is!)
25. Toilet Paper Mom
Cosa dice una mamma carta igienica ai suoi figli?
(What does a toilet paper mom say to her kids? )
“Siate sempre avvolti dall’amore, anche nei momenti difficili!”
(“Always be wrapped in love, even in tough times!”)
Italian Jokes About History
As you may already know, Italy has historical significance as the birthplace of the Roman Empire.
Don’t worry, we’re not going to pepper you with boring details like dates here—just good, old-fashioned (and by that, I mean “centuries-old”) humor!
26. Julius Caesar’s Insomnia
Cosa faceva Giulio Cesare quando non riusciva a dormire?
(What did Julius Caesar do when he couldn’t sleep? )
Contava i suoi imperi.
(He counted his empires.)
27. Roman Emperor Joke
Cosa dice un imperatore romano quando è stanco?
(What does a Roman emperor say when tired? )
“Ho bisogno di un sonno eterno!”
(“I need an eternal sleep!”)
28. Columbus’ Favorite Dish
Qual è il cibo preferito di Colombo?
(What’s Columbus’s favorite food? )
Le uova di Pasqua.
(Easter eggs.)
29. Garibaldi’s Favorite Animal
Qual è l’animale preferito di Giuseppe Garibaldi?
(What’s Giuseppe Garibaldi’s favorite animal? )
How to Use Italian Jokes to Improve Your Speaking Skills
- Choose a simple joke—at least to start. Look for jokes with very basic vocabulary, sentence structure and punch lines. As you become more comfortable telling simple jokes, you can move onto the more intricate ones.
- Memorize the joke. Practice delivering your joke in front of a mirror. You can also record yourself to help get your timing and deliver down pat.
- Use your joke. Try out a joke on an Italian-speaking friend or someone you just met. Allowing yourself to be silly will help you become more comfortable speaking Italian because—joke or not—you’re going to mess up from time to time and say things in a funny way.
Laughter is good for the soul—and improving your Italian speaking skills!
Not only will Italian jokes help boost your conversational skills, increase your vocabulary and teach you some cultural nuances, but they can also be great icebreakers.
It’s no surprise that a culture that celebrates life as much as Italy does has so many fun jokes!
Download: This blog post is available as a convenient and portable PDF that you can take anywhere. Click here to get a copy. (Download)
And One More Thing...
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