italian jokes

13 Funny Jokes in Italian You’ve Gotta Know Before Going to Italy

Italians have an excellent sense of humor.

I’ve spent a lot of time in the Boot and have a big Italian family. We enjoy food, wine and jokes on a daily basis!

Most jokes aren’t complicated. They have very clear meanings and use simple vocabulary. They’re short, easy to translate and a great way to see grammar rules in action.

They’re also excellent for pronunciation practice!

So if you want to laugh like a Roman and improve your Italian, try learning these 13 jokes in Italian.

Contents

1. Joke About a Doctor and His Patient

The doctor-patient relationship isn’t generally a comedic one. But sometimes, doctors can get some pretty interesting requests.

Consider this one:

Un uomo dice a un dottore, “Dottore, mi può prescrivere un sonnifero per mia suocera?”
(A man says to a doctor, “Doctor, can you prescribe a sleeping pill for my mother-in-law?”)

Il dottore risponde, “Perché? Sua suocera soffre d’insonnia?”
(The doctor responds, “Why? Is your mother-in-law suffering from insomnia?”)

L’uomo risponde, “No, mia suocera la notte dorme benissimo. Il sonnifero era per il giorno.”
(The man responds, “No, my mother-in-law sleeps well at night, the sleeping pill was for the day.”)

2. Joke About a Hungry Blonde Woman

Food is always a good source of humor!

Here’s something funny about a hungry young woman and a pizza:

Una bionda ordina una pizza.
(A blonde orders a pizza.)

Il pizzaiolo chiede, “Devo tagliarla in quattro o otto fette?”
(The pizza maker asks, “Should I cut it in four or eight pieces?”)

La bionda risponde, “In quattro! Come potrei mangiare otto fette?”
(The blonde replies, “In four! How could I possibly eat eight pieces?”)

3. Joke About Marriage

The marital relationship offers endless possibilities for jokes.

Consider this conversation between a husband and wife:

Una moglie dice a suo marito, “Caro, sono incinta! Cosa vorresti che fosse?”
(A wife says to her husband, “Darling, I’m pregnant! What do you want it to be?”)

Il marito risponde, “Uno scherzo!”
(The husband responds, “A joke!”)

4. Joke About Cooking Skills

And then there’s this joke about a wife’s cooking skills:

Come fai a sapere quando una moglie non sa cucinare?
(How can you tell when a wife cannot cook?)

Come?
(How?)

Il marito va così spesso al ristorante che al suo tavolo ha le sue iniziali sui tovaglioli!
(In the restaurant, her husband is there so much that his table has his initials on the napkins!)

5. Joke About a Boomerang

This boomerang joke is sure to make even a serious person smile:

Come si chiama un boomerang che non torna?
(What do you call a boomerang that doesn’t come back?)

Un bastone!
(A stick!)

6. Joke About a Cow and a Horse

In Italy, even animals get in on the funny stuff!

Here’s a bit of animal humor to make someone chuckle:

Una mucca dice ad un’altra mucca, “Hai sentito della malattia della mucca pazza?”
(One cow says to another cow, “Have you heard of the Mad Cow disease?”)

L’altra risponde, “Ma a me che me ne frega, sono un cavallo!”
(The other responds, “I don’t care, I’m a horse!”)

7. Joke About a Turtle and a Centipede

Sometimes unlikely participants offer a comedic moment.

Like this one involving a turtle and a centipede:

Un giorno un millepiedi e una tartaruga vanno al cinema. La tartaruga si siede a guardare un film.
(One day a centipede and a turtle went to the cinema. The turtle sat down to watch a movie.)

Alla fine del film vede il millepiedi entrare nella sala. Gli chiede, “Il film è già finito. Perché ci hai messo così tanto?”
(At the end of the film the centipede enters the room. The turtle asks, “The film is already done. Why did you take so long?”)

Il millepiedi risponde, “Mi sono ricordato di avere le scarpe bagnate, così le ho asciugate!”
(The centipede replies, “I remembered that my shoes were wet, so I dried them!”)

8. Joke About a Man Confiding in His Brother

Here’s a laugh-worthy brother to brother chat:

Un uomo dice a suo fratello, “L’anno scorso ho avuto un’avventura di una notte. È finita molto male.”
(A man says to his brother, “Last year, I had a one night stand. It went very badly.”)

Il fratello risponde, “Cos’è successo?”
(The brother responds, “What happened?”)

I’uomo risponde,”Domani è il nostro anniversario di matrimonio.”
(The man responds, “Tomorrow is our wedding anniversary.”)

9. Joke About a Bar and Its Patrons

And where would we be without a joke about a bar?

Un cervello entra in un bar e dice al barista, “Una birra, per favore.”
(A brain enters a bar and says to the bartender, “I’ll have a beer, please.”)

Il barista dice, “Mi dispiace, non posso servirti. Sei fuori di testa.”
(The bartender says, “I’m sorry, I can’t serve you. You’re out of your mind.”)

10. Joke About a Lawyer

Lawyers are always good for a laugh:

“Parlare non costa nulla!” disse un uomo all’altro.
(“Talking is cheap!” said one man to another.)

L’altro risponde, “Parlare non costa nulla? Dovresti parlare con il mio avvocato! Allora vedrai che parlare costa!”
(The other man responds, “Talk is cheap? You should talk to my lawyer! Then you’ll see that talk isn’t cheap!”)

11. Joke About A Spider

There are plenty of Italian jokes about love, life and relationships.

Perché le vedove nere uccidono i loro maschi dopo l’accoppiamento?
(Why do black widow spiders kill their mates after mating?)

Per fermare il russare prima che inizi.
(To stop the snoring before it starts.)

12. Joke About an Astronaut

Not even outer space is off limits to Italian jokesters:

Hai sentito dell’astronauta claustrofobico?
(Did you hear about the claustrophobic astronaut?)

No. Che gli è successo?
(No. What about him?)

Aveva solo bisogno di spazio!
(He just needed some space!)

13. Joke About a Tomato in an Elevator

Italians use tomatoes in more than just pizza and marinara sauce—they also use them in elevators, apparently.

Cos’è rosso e si muove su e giù?
(What’s red and moves up and down?)

Un pomodoro in un ascensore!
(A tomato in an elevator!)

How to Use Jokes in Italian to Improve Your Speaking Skills

  • Choose a simple jokeat least to start. Look for jokes with very basic vocabulary, sentence structure and punch lines. As you become more comfortable telling simple jokes, you can move onto the more intricate ones.
  • Memorize the joke. Practice delivering your joke in front of a mirror or record yourself to help get your timing and deliver down pat.
  • Use your joke. Try out a joke on an Italian-speaking friend or someone you just met. Allowing yourself to be silly will only help you become more comfortable speaking Italian because—joke or not—you’re going to mess up from time to time and say things in a funny way.

 

Laughter is good for the soul—and improving your Italian speaking skills!

Italian jokes will not only help boost your conversational skills, increase your vocabulary and teach you some cultural nuances, but they can also be great ice-breakers.

It’s no surprise that a culture that celebrates life as much as the Italian culture has so many fun jokes!

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